


Pft

by hpd_lance



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Teacher AU, johnkat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-14 20:52:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3425195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpd_lance/pseuds/hpd_lance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is based on thatoneshippernamedcarly's teacher AU</p>
<p>don't judge me okay I just really love that AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Everybody Ships It

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [In Which Karkat likes the cute Chemistry Teacher](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3379445) by [hpd_lance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpd_lance/pseuds/hpd_lance), [Kenmai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenmai/pseuds/Kenmai). 



John Egbert was pretty much the worst Chemistry teacher Karkat had ever met, which is saying something, because Karkat had met several Chemistry teachers in his lifetime. He'd recently started teaching Art classes at his old high school, and he'd already found himself hating the chemistry teacher.  
Well, he thought he hated him, but... Karkat's feelings were very conflicted when it came to John Egbert.  
Sometimes Karkat felt as though John was flirting with him, but he knew that was not the case, odds are, John was just being his overly-friendly, almost excruciatingly cheerful self. John "Straight as a ruler" Egbert harbored no romantic feelings towards Karkat Vantas, and it hurt.  
Karkat was starting to think he probably didn't hate Egbert as much as he'd like to, and that wasn't a good thing.  
Although, considering the amount of gay teachers there were in the school, Karkat wouldn't be surprised if some of the gay rubbed off on John while he was here. It might help him out if that were to happen.  
"Mr. Vantas?" A voice snapped him away from his thoughts.  
"What?" He asked, still not completely focused.  
"Aren't you paid to teach us?" The student replied sarcastically. A few others laughed, but stopped after Karkat gave them the stinkeye.  
"How about this, we don't learn anything in class today- and for homework you all turn to page 394 in your huge-ass textbooks there, and read about Pablo Picasso and all the shit he did. Then draw me an abstract portrait of yourself, and write three paragraphs on the life of Picasso. Extra credit if you somehow incorporate the word 'Fuck' into your self-portrait." He said, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet up on his desk. He glanced at the clock above the door. Almost 11:30.  
"Oh, and remember, for some reason, tomorrow is 'Bring a little kid' day. I don't know why that day exists, probably just for the sake of driving me insane, but nevertheless, I expect to see some little kids in here with their crayons and shit. Have your little siblings, or whatever little kid you bring with you do an abstract self-portrait too. Bonus points if you can get them to write a paragraph about Picasso."  
"Uh, so what are we supposed to do for the next hour?" A student asked.  
"Draw your favorite artist in their style? I don't give a fuck. Go ahead and start your homework if you want to, it's not like it'll do itself." Karkat replied, closing his eyes and pretending to snore. A knock on his door made him groan, it was probably Egbert, or maybe Principal Hussie, coming to ask him some asinine question about art that they should already know.  
"What is it?" Karkat practically shouted, not looking to see who it was.  
The door opened, "I need some paint," Came Egbert's voice, "We're testing how it'll react with different substances. The students are hoping we can blow stuff up."  
"It's on the shelf. You know which one." Karkat replied, not looking at him.  
"Thanks man, I owe you one." John said cheerfully, walking over to the paint shelf.  
"I know how you could make it up to him." A girl towards the back of the room whispered loudly to her friend, who giggled.  
Karkat rolled his eyes, those two were the biggest "JohnKat" shippers in the school. He guessed he was proud of them for coming up with a cool ship name, if nothing else.  
"Pfft. Johnkat." Another girl piped up from the middle of the room.  
John frowned at this. "'Johnkat'?" He repeated questioningly.  
"It's your ship name! John plus Karkat equals Johnkat." The girl replied with a small grin.  
"'Ship'? I have a feeling you're not talking about boats, are you." John asked, a bit of blush creeping onto his face.  
Karkat decided he'd share his knowledge on the subject while he had the chance, his students hadn't taught him this shit for nothing, "Shipping is when you think two people- typically fictional characters, mind you- would be good in a relationship together. Basically, they want us to date." He said.  
John's eyes widened, "Oh." He said, his voice high and his face red as a tomato.  
Karkat raised an eyebrow and smirked at John, who only blushed harder and gulped. "Well then. I... I should go back to my classroom. Thanks again Karkat." John said, practically running out of the room.  
The next hour was filled with giggling about how red John's face was when he left the room.  
The lunch bell rang and as the students stood up to leave, Karkat called after them, "Remember, abstract portrait, three paragraphs!"  
A few of them waved their hands in acknowledgement. Karkat rolled his eyes as he stood up, gathering up pencils and paper and stacking them neatly on his desk. He flinched when someone cleared their throat in the doorway.  
"Damn it, John!" He exclaimed, turning to the door.  
"Sorry! I wasn't trying to scare you. I was just wondering... did you know about the whole shipping thing? My students started talking about it when I explained why I was blushing. I... did you know about this?" John asked.  
"Of course I knew about it Egbert, the amount of 'Johnkat' art I've seen turned in for projects, it's kind of hard not to know about it.  
"Besides, the entire school ships it. Not just the students." Karkat replied.  
"Do you?" John asked.  
Karkat wasn't ready to answer that.


	2. In Which John Made Smoke Bombs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just  
> idek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bleh  
> Hopefully we're gonna get Big Hero 6 today eue  
> Anyway  
> Why do I update this AU more than the other ones? Because I fucking love this AU

The rest of Karkat's day was spent avoiding John as best he could, which wasn't easy, because John had to come into his classroom for paper and a variety of other things several times.  
Karkat was starting to think he was using those things as excuses to talk to him, but he dismissed that thought with a roll of his eyes. John was straight. Straight as a board. Then again, some boards aren't straight. "No, shut up Karkat. John doesn't like you!" He said under his breath after John came in for- of all things- a paperclip.  
Yup. He was definitely just looking for excuses at this point. Karkat decided he'd get this over with and just walk on over to John's classroom and talk to him.  
"Be right back." He said to his students, walking out of the door and down the hall to John's class.  
Was that... smoke? Fucking hell, John!  
He pushed the door open without knocking and immediately he was assaulted by bright pink smoke.  
"What the actual fuck is going on in here?!" Karkat exclaimed, waving a hand in front of his face.  
"Well, uh, we were making smoke bombs. Roxy's went off before we could toss it outside. I still don't know how she got her smoke to be pink..." John replied, rubbing the back of his neck absentmindedly.  
"You do realize smoke bombs aren't allowed in schools, right? I'm surprized the smoke alarm hasn't-" Karkat was interrupted as the smoke alarm started ringing.  
"Shit. Shit shit shit fuck I'm gonna get fired, I'm gonna lose my job, shit shit shit..." John looked as though he was about to have a panic attack.  
The other classes were definitely panicking, the teachers trying to get the students to line up.  
"Fuck," Karkat mumbled, "Be right back." He jogged back to the art room, coughing. Kanaya shot him a questioning look as he passed her classroom, and Karkat just shrugged and mouthed, 'Smoke bomb.' Kanaya nodded. She strode off in the direction of Principal Hussie's office.  
"Okay kids, no need to panic, one of Egbert's students set off a smoke bomb accidentally. There's no f-"  
"Uh, yeah, about that, there's a tiny fire." John interrupted.  
"Fucking hell Egbert!" Karkat shouted, pushing past him.  
"ALRIGHTY FUCKERS, HERE'S HOW THIS IS GONNA GO DOWN. YOU'RE ALL GOING TO CALM YOUR ASSES DOWN AND MAKE YOUR WAY OUT OF THE BUILDING IN A CALM AND ORDERLY MANNER," Karkat yelled at the top of his lungs, "THIS ISN'T A FUCKING DRILL, GET YOUR ASSES MOVING!"  
"Dang Karkat, you really can yell." John said.  
Karkat made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "Your classroom is on fire, Egbert. Or did you forget about that?"  
"Oh right. Fuck."  
"Let's just let the fire department handle it."  
John nodded. Good idea.  
They ran outside in time for three bright red fire trucks to pull up, and John's classroom to explode behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh yeah  
> this chapter was way too short
> 
> idgaf anymore  
> yeah  
> see  
> John's classroom blew up  
> where the fuck is he gonna teach Chemistry now?!?!
> 
> I actually have a plan okay  
> it's an absolute shit plan but trust me on this okay
> 
> T R U S T M E Y O U W I L L B E V E R Y U P S E T A T M E
> 
> EAE  
> also thanks to Carly for being awesome and coming up with the idea for this AU in the first place
> 
>  
> 
> Go listen to Always by Panic! At The Disco
> 
> Go  
> Listen to that  
> now


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapters are going to be really short I'm sorry

Karkat's ears were ringing as he sat up from where he'd fallen on the ground next to John. He looked over and realized John was giggling like an idiot.  
"We nearly died, and you're laughing?" Karkat frowned, punching John softly in the arm.  
"Ow!" John exclaimed, rubbing his arm, "We're fine, Karkat! We had plenty of time!"  
"If we had been in there five seconds longer we would've exploded with the school, John. You call that 'plenty of time'?" Karkat shouted, turning the heads of a few students.  
John just laughed and rolled his eyes, standing up and reaching down to pull Karkat off the ground.  
Karkat nearly fell over as soon as he stood up. His vision blacked out for a few and he tumbled into John's chest. John caught him, and Karkat was surprised at how strong he was. Equius -the gym teacher who had an unhealthy obsession with strength and bodybuilding- would be proud.  
"Sorry, dizzy." Karkat mumbled, patting John's shoulder as he leaned away.  
"Are you okay?" John asked.  
Karkat tried to reply, but he couldn't get a word out before he fell onto the ground, head spinning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gdi Carly stop giving me ideas


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically all of these chapters are gonna be short af but w/e
> 
> Karkats in the hopsicle and John visits him thats literally it

The students' parents were called, and soon there were several mothers crying hugging their children, and a few yelling at principal Hussie, who told them that he was unsure of how or where the fire started, but he was sure it was an accident.  
Karkat vaguely remembered being lifted into the back of an ambulance, but he didn't remember much after that.  
He woke up in the hospital, mouth dry, IVs in his arm. He felt like shit, and probably looked like shit, too. His head was pounding dully and he noticed that he couldn't really feel his left leg. That could be a problem.  
He sat up and looked over at the table beside his bed to see a glass of water, along with several "Get Better Soon" cards from his coworkers and students, and a very tattered plush bunny, ironically sitting in a box. This was obviously from John, because only Egbert would think to put the bunny in the box. There was a note attached to said bunny, in said box, and Karkat decided he'd read that first.  
"Hey Karkat. Hope you feel better soon! Have Liv Tyler the bunny to snuggle if you feel lonely. Love, John"  
Karkat laughed a bit, "Leave it to John to name a bunny after an actress." He said quietly to himself. He turned the note over, "Oh and P.S. Put the bunny back in the box when you're not snuggling the heck out of her. And uh... when you get back out, can I have her back please" Karkat picked the bunny up. It was pretty soft... he hugged it tight, and took a deep breath. He could do this. He could handle the hospital for a few days, couldn't he?  
He grumbled, "Nope. Not gonna survive this." And put the bunny back in the box, grabbing the glass of water off of the table and taking a few sips. It tasted weird, like there might've been meds in it. He didn't care, they could drug him all they wanted, as long as he didn't die.  
Gog, he hated hospitals. The beeping of machines, the children with no hope for the future, the people who didn't know how long they had to live... yeah, hospitals are depressing.  
Karkat thought about going back to sleep, but before he'd even closed his eyes, his door opened, and a nurse walked in, followed closely by none other than John Egbert.  
"Here, you can see him. Lucky for you he's awake." The nurse said, not even waiting for a reply before turning on her heel and leaving.  
Karkat thought she'd probably been attempting to flirt, but Egbert being himself, didn't catch on in time, thus losing himself a possible love interest. But then again, maybe John already had a love interest, but Karkat thought that was highly unlikely. As smart as John was, he was clueless when it came to relationships.  
"Hey dude. How you feeling?" John asked.  
Karkat was torn between being extremely sarcastic, or being completely honest. He chose the latter. "To be honest, I feel like shit. My head has this dull pounding thing going on, like somebody is playing the drums, but they filled the drums with feathers.  
"And I can't really feel my left leg very well, and I'm afraid to try and move it."  
John frowned, "You can't feel your left leg?" He inquired, "Can you feel this?" He placed his hand on Karkat's knee, and when Karkat shook his head, a worried look crossed his face.  
"It's probably fine, I can feel my toes somehow, so obviously it's not too bad. My leg probably just fell asleep."  
John didn't look so sure, though.  
"Should I call the nurse, or...?"  
Karkat shook his head, which only made his head hurt more.  
He winced and leaned back on his pillow, making John look extremely worried.  
"I was so worried when they loaded you into that ambulance. I nearly followed them here but I decided I'd stay back and help Hussie deal with the angry mothers accusing him of setting the school on fire on purpose, which was stupid, because it was me, and it was an accident.  
"So anyway, yesterday morning, I came here to see you and they said you'd probably be unconcious when I got here, and you were, so I left Liv on your table there, and then the students and faculty made cards for you because they all love you and they sent me back here with all the cards and stuff.  
"And then I went home, and went to sleep, then came back here because I wanted to check on you again. Oh, and I listed myself as an emergency contact, so in case something goes wrong or anything, I'll be the first to know."  
All Karkat got out of that, was that he'd slept through an entire day in this hospital. He thought it was kind of sweet of John to list himself as an emergency contact, though, in a way.  
Karkat had no clue how any of this was supposed to work, and he didn't plan on studying the subject. He fucking hated hospitals.  
"I'm fine, John, you really don't need to worry."  
John grabbed his hand, probably trying to be reassuring, but it looked a little like he was a distressed husband at his wife's deathbead. Before John could say anything, though, the nurse from before walked in.   
She glanced at their clasped hands and her eyes widened slightly. "Ugh." She muttered under her breath.  
Obviously, she didn't approve. Luckily, she couldn't voice her opinions while she was working, lest she be fired.  
Karkat was glad he'd be out of there soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeaaaah this was a short ass chapter and really bad okay but shhhh


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha  
> aHAHA  
> HA  
> HA  
> okay yeah sorry for the wait?????

The next night, Karkat was released from the hospital. ("It's a fucking hall of death and well-meaning doctors who don't actually give a shit." Karkat had said.)  
He rode in John's car, which was actually pretty nice. The seats were leather, and the car smelled like vanilla, despite the apparent lack of air fresheners.  
"Are you hungry?" John asked when they were about halfway through the five-hour drive home.  
Karkat nodded, he was practically starving.  
John pulled into a Walmart parking lot, parking haphazardly in a space underneath a streetlamp.  
"Nice parking job, Egbert. Maybe I should drive the rest of the way. I can't even open my door, you parked too close to the lamp!" Karkat said.  
"Climb out my side, it's not like you'll die if you do. Also, the doctor said it wasn't safe for you to drive or operate heavy machinery with the drugs you're taking, so no, you're not driving the rest of the way."  
Karkat grumbled and climbed out of John's door, "Why the fuck are we even at Walmart?"  
"I need energy drinks. I nearly fell asleep earlier, while you took your catnap about an hour ago."  
This was news to Karkat, he didn't remember falling asleep.  
"Did you realize you talk in your sleep? I, uh, wasn't listening to what you were saying or anything... okay yes I was, but your voice is just really easy to listen to!"  
Shit. Karkat hoped he hadn't said anything that could make things awkward.  
"You admitted your undying love for somebody. Didn't catch an actual name, but I did catch a few choice pet names."  
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Why were they talking about this now. He couldn't have saved this for when they were in the car, when there weren't any people around?  
"Don't you call me, 'fuckass' and 'insufferable fuckface'?"  
Shit. Fucking shitfuck.  
"Oh well, I'm sure whoever it was feels the same way."  
Wait, what? Was John implying what Karkat thought he was implying? Karkat's heart started beating faster, and he was pretty sure he was having a heart attack, even though he knew these weren't the symptoms, and he was probably just over-reacting to a passing comment by a guy he had a mild attraction to.  
"You okay?"  
Karkat nodded. He was fine. Totally fine.  
"Let's just go inside, get some snacks, and just not talk about what I may or may not have said while I was asleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know these chapters are short I AM SORRY


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *updates at midnight because I have no life*

They quickly made their way through the store, out into the parking lot, and out to John's car. Some teenagers shouted insults at them, for no apparent reason other than to piss them off. "Hey fags! Have fun in hell!" The teens had shouted. Karkat, of course, had a few choice words of his own, "Harassing strangers on the streets it definitely fucking NOT what Jesus would fucking do, assholes!" They drove, singing along to the car radio, and hours ticked by as the sky outside grew darker. John pulled up into Karkat's driveway and put the car in park, but before he could turn it off, an all-too familiar tune came on.  
Karkat's eyes widened and he stared at John, who's face was a mix of terror and joy.  
He bumped the radio up a few notches.  
"If you do not blast Blank Space until your stereo breaks, I will murder you." Karkat said, glaring at John.  
"Karkat, it's midnight, it's against the law to turn up your music past a certain decible after like ten." John replied.  
"I don't give a fuck."  
"I do, though." John said, turning the radio off.  
Karkat grumbled unintelligably and glowered at John, who obviously wasn't taking any shit.  
"C'mon, you gotta get out."  
Karkat grumbled again and didn't move.  
"Don't make me carry you."  
Karkat stuck his tounge out at John and crossed his arms in frustration.  
"You are twenty-eight years old. You're being childish."  
"'You're twenty-eight years old. You're being childish.'" Karkat mocked, making his voice deeper and more goofy.  
"That's it, I'm carrying you." John said, turning off the car, getting out, running around the car to the passenger side and flinging open Karkat's door. He picked Karkat up and threw him over his shoulder, and Karkat made possibly the most unmanly noise in the universe, making John laugh.  
"Put me down Egbert! This isn't funny!"  
"Where are your keys?"  
"Not telling."  
"Where are the fucking keys."  
"My back pocket."  
"Which one?"  
"The one with the keyring shaped bulge, dumbass."  
John grabbed the keys, unlocked the door, and walked into Karkat's house. "Wow, your house is big."  
"Yeah, my dad was kind of rich. He left it all to me. Now can you put me down?"  
"No, I can't. I must admire your beautiful -huge- house while you hang there and all the blood rushes to your head." John said sarcastically, dropping Karkat onto the couch. Karkat glared at him and huffed angrily.  
"Oh shut up. You know you love me. It's late, I should probably head home."  
Karkat kind of didn't want John to go home, to be honest, "You could stay, I've got movies and an empty couch with your name on it. Plus, you yawned like three times on the way here. And your house is like, twenty minutes away."  
"Do you have Con Air?" John asked hopefully.  
"No. That movie was absolute shit and I refuse to have that absolute disgrace to the movie industry in my household." Karkat replied, scrunching up his nose.  
John shrugged, "I thought it was actually pretty cool when I was younger. I babbled about it a lot, according to Dave."  
"Yeah. Dave said you used to talk about shitty movies all the time. He also said that my taste in movies was equally shitty, so fuck him and his opinions. I've got lots of romcoms though. Do you like Forrest Gump?"  
"I've never seen it." John shrugged.  
"What?" Karkat asked, a mix of shock and horror on his face.  
"I've never seen Forrest Gump." John replied.  
Karkat looked as though he was going to faint. "We are going to remedy this tonight. You will watch Forrest Gump, and you will love it. You will love every second of it."  
"If you say so." John replied, flopping down on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is now a bad time to say I've never actually seen Forrest Gump????
> 
> I really have to watch it
> 
> I HAVEN'T SEEN CON AIR EITHER
> 
> *distressed whale noises*  
> This chapter was longer but while I was copying it so I could paste it here I ACCIDENTALLY HIT THE SPACEBAR BUTTON AND LOST E V E R Y T H I N G
> 
> THERE WAS MORE FLUFF BUT THEN THAT HAPPENED I ALMOST CRIED OKAY I LOST LIKE HALF OF THAT CHAPTER AND IT REALLY DISTRESSED ME A LOT OKAY  
> THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE FLUFF  
> BUT THEN  
> MY STUPID THUMB  
> HIT  
> SPACEBAR
> 
> I AM IN TEARS
> 
> ALSO I RUSHED MY TYPING BECAUSE I WAS FRUSTRATED SO THE SENTENCES AREN'T NEARLY AS NICE AS I WANTED THEM TO BE


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah um I apologize for any deaths that might happen upon reading this??? wow there's kind of some fluff oops

John fell asleep about halfway through the movie, and Karkat wasn't too far behind him.  
Karkat didn't remember walking to his bed, and he was pretty sure he hadn't, but he woke up in his bed all the same. He blinked a few times at the sunlight streaming in through his window, then yawned and swung his feet out of bed. The floor was pretty cold, which didn't surprise him, but the fact that he could smell bacon did.  
Was John cooking? Karkat glanced at the clock on his bedside table, it was way earlier than he thought John would be waking up. He was tempted to go to sleep, but the bacon, it beckoned. He walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, still half-asleep.  
"Good morning sleeping beauty!" John said cheerfully, not even turning away from the stove to look at him.  
"Shut up and pass the bacon." Karkat replied, yawning.  
John laughed and gestured at the table, "Help yourself!"  
Karkat reached for a plate that was sitting on the counter, but John grabbed his wrist and pushed his hand up toward the cupboard above the counter.  
"The clean ones are in there. Your kitchen was a mess." He said, letting go of Karkat's wrist and grabbing the spatula.  
"Damn it Egbert, I leave you alone for like six hours and you rearrange my kitchen," Karkat grumbled, snatching a plate from the cupboard and quickly piling bacon onto it, "Did you make any eggs?"  
"That's what I'm cooking now."  
"You're cooking them in the bacon grease?"  
"Nah, I would've, but I didn't know if you liked them like that or not. I didn't want you to be upset at me or anything."  
Karkat shrugged, "It doesn't really make a difference, to be honest."  
"Of course it makes a difference."  
Karkat wasn't sure what he meant by that. Karkat had meant taste wise, but what did John mean?  
"By the way, you sleepwalk. It's kind of funny actually, because you talk and respond to questions and stuff, but you sound drunk. You nearly fell down the stairs trying to go up them though, so I kind of picked you up and carried you up the stairs."  
Karkat laughed, "What kind of rude names did I come up with for you in our sleep-conversation?"  
John shrugged, "You're actually a lot nicer in your sleep. You only called me a fuckass once, and it was when I was carrying you up the stairs. You were like, 'I don't need your help you fuckass'. It was kind of adorable actually."  
Karkat faceplanted into his bacon, groaning loudly as he did, "There's some beer somewhere around here. Find it. I need." He said, his voice muffled by bacon.  
John laughed, "I don't think you need any alcohol right now. I made some coffee though."  
"I don't want coffee jegus fucking hell."  
"You were definitely nicer in your sleep."  
Karkat grumbled into his bacon.  
"Aw shut up you big baby." John said, laughing.  
"Bacon, clearly you are the only one that understands me." Karkat could practically hear John rolling his eyes, and he threw a random napkin in John's general direction.  
"Karkat, stop making out with the bacon and just eat already."  
"Bluh bluh bluh don't tell me what to do Egbert." Karkat said, not lifting his head.  
"Dude. If you don't eat your bacon, I will, and you will go bacon-less."  
"After my face has been in it? Yeah right. I'd love to see you try to eat face bacon."  
"I really don't give a fuck if it touched your face. Bacon is bacon, no matter where it's been."  
"Dear lord, John, phrasing!"  
"Wha- oh. I just. Damn it Karkat!"  
Karkat rolled his eyes and sat up, "Is my face covered in bacon grease?"  
John laughed, nodding.  
"Thought so."  
They ate their breakfast, and John decided it'd be a good idea to try and find movies to binge watch on Netflix, however, that turned out to be a bad idea when they couldn't agree on anything to watch.  
Karkat proposed a staring contest, which John lost, because Karkat kept poking him in the ribs until he blinked.  
They found some board games, but they decided that could be hazardous to their health if one of them got frustrated.  
They didn't realize what time it was until John glanced at his watch, "Holy shit, it's three already? Damn it, I told Kanaya and Rose I'd call at noon to let them know how things were going..."  
The doorbell rang, making Karkat and John both jump. Karkat was the first to register that this meant somebody was actually here to check on him, and he jumped to his feet, running to the door.  
He pulled it open and Kanaya greeted him with a smile, "Glad to see you're not dead. John said he'd call, but he must've forgotten. Is he here?"  
Karkat wasn't sure what he should say to that. Of course John was there, his car was right there in plain sight. He just nodded and shrugged, waving Kanaya inside. Her car door slammed as Rose got out, jogging up to the door.  
"Hello Karkat. Having a nice day?" She asked, smirking a bit.  
What was that smirk for? Rose was really hard to read sometimes.  
Karkat could hear John and Kanaya laughing about something, most likely about him. He groaned and walked back to his living room, glaring at John as John covered his mouth with his hands, poorly concealing a laugh.   
"I'm guessing whatever it was you were talking about was me?" Karkat asked, raising an eyebrow.  
John laughed, rolling his eyes. "Nah, we were definitely not talking about how you talk in your sleep."  
Karkat grumbled and sat down next to John on the couch, crossing his arms.  
John almost immediately put his arm around Karkat's shoulder, not even thinking twice.  
Kanaya was occupying the third seat of the couch, and Rose was sitting on the arm.  
"We came to make sure everything was okay, you know, because John hadn't called us." Kanaya said.  
"Sorry about that, I lost track of time." John replied, biting his bottom lip.  
Kanaya raised an eyebrow, "I understand, time flies when you're with... friends." She hesitated before saying the last word, glancing John's arm around Karkat.  
John suddenly removed his arm from around Karkat's shoulders, looking down at his hands and blushing. "Yeah." He replied, his voice a high squeak.  
Karkat kind of wished Kanaya wouldn't have glanced at him like that. He was half-tempted to reach over and hold John's hand, but he thought that might make John uncomfortable, so he didn't.  
John was obviously embarassed for having lost track of time like this, and not calling like he'd promised. "Sorry, I was going to call! I just completely forgot and I was distracted...." He trailed off, staring at the floor.  
"It's fine. We were just checking in. We actually have somewhere to be, we just drove past and noticed John's car in the drive, and figured we'd stop by and make sure all was right with the world," Rose said, standing, "We should probably get going." She glanced at Kanaya, who stood up immediately.  
"Yes, we probably should. Goodbye, guys."  
"Bye."  
Rose and Kanaya left, and for the next few hours, Karkat and John had nothing to do except watch movies.  
Karkat had lost interest in the movies, though, and had begun just staring at John until he noticed.  
John noticed after about an hour of Karkat staring intently at him. "What are you-" He began to ask.   
"Do you wanna build a snowman?" Karkat whispered, a small grin on his face.  
"Dear lord. Karkat no." John said.  
"Do you wanna build a fucking snowman?" Karkat began singing.  
"Karkat-"   
"Can't stop won't stop. C'mon let's go and fucking play."  
"Kar-"   
"Can't be tamed Egnerd! I never fucking see you anymore. Come out the fucking door, it's like you've gone away."  
"Karka-"   
"We used to be best buddies, and now we're not, I wish you'd fucking tell me why!"  
"Karkat pl-"   
"Honeybadger don't care! Do you wanna build a fucking snowman? It doesn't have to be a fucking snowman."  
"Stop that Karkat."  
"Okay fine."  
"Are you really going to stop now or are you going to continue singing?"  
"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND!"  
"Karkat no-"  
"AND WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TILL THE END!"  
"Karkat-" John was laughing now, and Karkat couldn't help but smile.  
"CUZ WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! NO TIME FOR LOSERS, CUZ WE ARE THE CHAMPI- hmmpf!"  
John had covered Karkat's mouth with his hand. "Why. Why Karkat. Why are you doing this to me."  
Karkat pulled John's hand off his mouth and held it in his own. "Because I'm..."  
"If you start singing again-"  
"NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP."  
"Damn it Karkat!"  
Karkat laughed, he leaned closer to John's face, "Sing with me."  
"Wha-"  
"Sing with me Egbert."  
John laughed, "When there's something strange-"  
"In your neighborhood."  
"Who you gonna call?"  
"JOHN EGBERT!" Karkat shouted, throwing his hands up in the air and falling off the couch in a heap of laughter.  
"You were supposed to say Ghostbusters, but I guess my name works too." John said, laughing.  
"I saw a chance and I took it." Karkat replied, climbing back up onto the couch.  
John laughed, grabbing Karkat's hand. "You're so weird. We're grown men for god's sake!" Karkat could tell he was trying to be serious through all the laughter.  
"We are? I'm pretty sure we're just teachers."   
John punched his arm gently, "We need to act our ages."  
"What's my age again?"  
"Karkat. You're twenty-eight years old."  
"I know that you idiot. I was referencing a song."  
"I know."  
Karkat rolled his eyes. He grabbed John's hands and leaned closer to John's face, until their noses were almost touching. "John," He said, very seriously, "You're such an idiot."  
John laughed, pulling Karkat into a hug. "Love you too, bro."  
Karkat relaxed a little in John's arms, and before he knew it, his eyelids were drooping. He yawned, and John followed suit, making himself laugh. "It's only six, why are we yawning?" John said.  
Karkat yawned again, "I don't know, but you are really warm, and I kind of want to use you as a pillow."  
John laughed again, "Go ahead, I won't stop you," He yawned, rubbing his eyes, "I'll just use you as a blanket."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eue  
> betcha had a hard time reading my sloppy workmanship
> 
> sorry


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear gog what have I done

Karkat thought John had been joking about using him as a blanket, and he didn't remember having fallen asleep, but when he woke up, there he was, laying on John. His left arm was hooked around John's neck, his right arm resting on John's chest.  
John's arms were wrapped around him, and he was snoring slightly.  
Karkat glanced at his wrist, where he normally had a watch, but his watch wasn't there. He was pretty sure there was a clock on his television, if he could find the remote to turn it on. He tried to sit up, but John's arms around him, and his arm trapped behind John's head made it difficult to move properly.  
Boy was he glad none of his students knew where he lived. If any of them saw him and John like this, they'd never let him live it down.   
He was done trying not to wake John up. He poked John hard in the ribs with his free hand, making John jump up into a sitting position, his arms tightening around Karkat in a kind of protective way.  
"Wha- Oh," He said, looking sleepily at Karkat. "Sorry." He let his arms fall to his sides.  
"It's fine. What time is it?" Karkat replied, yawning.  
John glanced at his watch. He yawned and stretched his arms. "Like ten."  
"But it's still dark ou- oh you mean ten at night."  
John nodded.  
"Well, I guess my sleep schedule is thoroughly fucked up." Karkat grumbled, standing up.  
"Yeah, mine too. Are you hungry?"  
Karkat's stomach grumbled in reply.  
"I'll take that as a yes." John said, laughing.  
"I want pizza." Karkat stated absentmindedly, staring distractedly at a blank space on the wall, brow furrowed. Suddenly Blank Space popped into his head and he pursed his lips, listening to it playing in his head.  
His internal radio stopped abruptly when John poked his ribs, "Whatcha thinkin' about?" He asked, his tounge sticking out the left side of his mouth playfully.  
"Life. Actually, Taylor Swift songs. But then again, Taylor Swift songs are life, so..."  
John laughed, throwing an arm around Karkat's shoulder. "You mentioned pizza?"  
"Yeah, does Pizza Hut even deliver this late?"  
"I doubt it."  
Karkat frowned. Damn. He really wanted pizza.  
"There's a Little Ceasars down the road, isn't there?" John asked.  
Just then, thunder boomed outside, making them both jump. Soon after, they heard heavy drops of rain on the roof.  
"Well that ruins that idea. Was it supposed to rain today?" John asked, walking over to the window and peeking out.  
A flash of lightning startled him away from the window. "I guess the universe just doesn't want me to have pizza." Karkat sighed, flopping back down on the couch. He didn't even remember why he'd gotten up. It was warm and- another clap of thunder sounded outside, and he tensed up, taking in a sharp breath.  
"We still have your oven, we could always-" John began, but before he could finish, the lights flickered off. "Fuck it," He said, flopping face-first into the couch. "Why, universe? Why can't Karkat have pizza? What is so wrong with pizza that he cannot have it?" John asked of no one in particular, sliding off the couch onto the floor, laying flat on his back.  
"Honestly Egbert, it's not that big a de-"  
"Lay down with me, Watson." John interrupted, patting the floor next to him.  
"John-"  
"No no no, I'm Sherlock. I'm trying to figure out why the universe hates pizza."  
Karkat sighed and slid onto the floor, laying on his back and staring up at the ceiling.  
"The question here is not; 'Why doesn't the universe like pizza?', oh no, the question is, my dear Watson, 'What has pizza ever done to the universe to make the universe hate it so much?', and that is the question we must explore." John said, faking a british accent.  
"Egbert I really don't think the universe has anything aga-"  
"No no no shoosh I'm doing deductions. This would be so much better if I had a pipe..."  
"Egbert, what are you even doing." It was more of a statement than a question.  
"I'm trying to make you laugh. I like it when you laugh, it makes me feel all warm inside. Like a cookie." John replied, staring up at the ceiling, a distant expression on his face.  
Karkat scooted closer to John on the floor, until their shoulders were touching. His hand brushed the back of John's, and he expected John to pull his hand away, but the exact opposite happened.  
John grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers. "Karkat?"  
"Hm?"  
"I think..."  
"Yeah?"  
"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no Kaki you can't just end the chapter like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> WELL I CAN AND I DID BITCHES SO SUCK IT
> 
> Yeah see I was just too excited to type those three words and I ditched any vague idea I had of what I was going to do with this story and just wrote what felt right
> 
> gOtTa Do WhAt AlL yOuR hEaRt TeLlS yA, yA kNoW?
> 
> don't know what I'm going to do next chapter but I'm thinking  
> I'm thinking maybe  
> I'll write what happened to the school in a sequel maybe
> 
> nah I'm too lazy for that shit
> 
> PS I'm sorry just kill me


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this story was shitty from the beginning and I know you're going to hate me for ending it like this but I just  
> I'm done giving myself feels okay?

Karkat's breath caught in his throat. "Wha- I- you do?" He gasped.  
"I... yeah. I mean, I've always liked you. But I think... I think this is different than just liking somebody, you know? I mean I look at you, and I just... I feel... I don't know how to describe it but I just feel like I never want to lose you." John whispered.  
Karkat didn't move. He lay silently, staring at the ceiling. John sighed, sitting up. He tried to loosen his grip on Karkat's hand, but Karkat held on tighter.  
"John."  
John sighed, glancing down at where Karkat lay on the floor.  
"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "WHAT???? YOU CAN'T END IT LIKE THIS!!!! YOU JUST CAN'T!!!"
> 
> Yeah well I'm not so sure this really is the end  
> I might write a sequel who knows  
> I might edit this later on to include better, longer chapters  
> I don't know  
> I just don't have my mental health in check rn I'm sorry
> 
> and I know  
> I know this chapter was unbearably short  
> and incredibly dissatisfying  
> but really  
> what other way is there to end it?  
> it's a fucking happy ending
> 
> what, were you expecting sloppy makeouts or something????????? yeah see I will practice writing better chapters before I try anything like that.  
> just  
> there might be a sequel  
> m a y b e  
> just maybe


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya know what?  
> Just because I'm a little shit who can't make up my mind, have fucking chapter ten because I thought I was done but I'm not

It had been three weeks since John and Karkat had admitted their feelings, and Karkat remembered that night like it was yesterday.  
They'd kissed, and Karkat still felt it on his lips, the warmth, the way their lips fit together so perfectly. He almost wanted to go back and do it again.  
He'd tried pretending that it'd never happened, so he could get his mind back on teaching, but he still found himself staring wistfully of into the distance at nothing in particular. He knew his students could tell something was different. He knew especially the other teachers could tell.  
John's classroom had been relocated, closer to Karkat's, which Karkat thought Hussie did on purpose.  
"Mister Vantas?" A girl spoke up from the back of the class.  
He almost forgot he was paid to actually teach these students. "Yeah?"  
"We've all been thinking..."  
"Yes?"  
"You've been... different, ever since you got back. You and Mister Egbert both."  
Karkat sighed.  
"Did something... happen?"  
Karkat swore the tone in her voice was hopeful. He groaned. "No, and even if something did happen-- which it didn't!- it'd be none of your damn business."  
"So something did happen?"  
"What the fuck did I just say?!"  
John conveniently chose that moment to pop his head in the door, "Hey, uh, Karkat? Could you come out here a second?"  
Karkat rolled his eyes, standing up and following John into the hallway.  
"I think you've noticed our students can tell something's up." John said, a frown on his face.  
"Yeah, they're already asking questions..." Karkat glanced back at his classroom, then down the hall to make sure nobody was watching. "Look, we don't have to tell them. They don't have to know. It's our private life and they have no business knowing." He glanced back behind him again, then standing on tip-toe, he planted a small kiss on John's mouth. It wasn't much, but it still made him feel all warm and tingly inside, like everything was right with the world.  
"....'Kay." John squeaked, his face red.  
"You're going to give us all away, you know that?"  
John laughed breathily, then leaning forward, he threw his arms around Karkat, kissing the top of his head.  
Karkat rolled his eyes, John was terrible at keeping secrets.  
"Love you!" Then John left, back into his classroom.  
Karkat went back into his classroom as if nothing had happened. He was pretty sure at least one of his students had tried peeking through the small window on the door, or through the crack under it or something.  
He heard a giggle from the back of the class. Meulin was signing at Kurloz, who signed back, making her laugh.  
"What are you two talking about?"  
Kurloz signed what he'd said at Meulin, who spoke for both of them; "Sorry, Kurloz was telling me about something funny his brother did a few days ago."  
Kurloz's brother was, of course, Gamzee Makara, the Home Economics teacher. Karkat had already heard that story.  
Kurloz signed at Meulin again, and Meulin sniggered.  
Karkat rolled his eyes, trying to get back to the lesson at hand, when another of his students spoke up from the back. "So, what happened out there that's got you so clammy?"  
"I'm not clammy, Miss Peixes, and I'd appreciate it if you stopped with the fish puns." Karkat replied, recognizing the voice.  
"I never get to have fun anemonemore." Meenah grumbled, crossing her arms.  
"Okay that was a stretch even by my standards. I get it, you're a pisces, you're Feferi's sister, so you love fish puns, but 'anemonemore' is kind of stretching it a bit."  
"Who died and made you king crab?"  
Karkat rolled his eyes. The fact that he got the crab being a reference to his star sign made his faith in humanity drop ever so slightly.  
"So, Mister Karcrab Vanfish. What happened out in the hallway?" She smirked. He had a feeling she already knew. She was practically the queen of the school, she had spies everywhere, "Did you kiss 'im?"  
"None of your business." He replied sharply.  
"That's a yes!" She had a sort of malicious grin on her face. That girl kind of terrified him.  
"No, it's a, 'None of your business' which means it's none of your business."  
"Ooooh that's a definite yes. How'd it go?"  
Karkat slammed his fist onto the table, making half the class jump. He apologized profusely, then turned to face Meenah. "It's. None. Of. Your. Business."  
"So I take it he's not a good kisser, huh?"  
"No he's a good kisser-"  
"So you have kissed him!"  
Damn it. Karkat you loud mouth. He flopped his face onto his desk.  
"None of your fucking business." He said.  
"So Mister Egbert's a good kisser, huh?" Meulin piped up.  
Karkat figured there was no use hiding it now. "Well... yeah. I mean I've only kissed him twice, but yeah."  
The class gasped, then erupted into excited chatter. The only one not talking (or signing, in Meulin and Kurloz' case) was Meenah, who was smirking at him.  
"Okay okay everybody shut up!" Karkat practically shouted. "We're not here to talk about my fucking love life! This is an art class. Now let's fucking talk about art."  
The rest of the class was spent sketching in different art styles, asking questions and getting ignored.  
Karkat looked down at what he'd been drawing. He hadn't been planning on drawing John from memory, it just kind of happened. It was just a graphite drawing, but it looked almost real. Karkat laughed, he didn't need a drawing to look at when the real thing was literally across the hall.  
The bell rang, dismissing them for lunch. Karkat straightened up his desk, putting spare pencils into the cup sitting on his desk. He knew the kids had cleaned up after themselves, they weren't total slobs.  
He left his classroom, and John joined him, grabbing his hand. He was about to say something, but Karkat interrupted.  
"You told them didn't you."  
"Yeah."  
"Same."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so I changed my mind about ending it on that note and decided to just fuck around and OOPS DE FUCKING OOPS I WROTE ANOTHER FUCKING CHAPTER


End file.
